its been a while - staind

cant get this song out of my head.



It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
and it's been a while
Since I first saw you
It's been a while
since i could stand on my own two feet again
and it's been a while
since i could call you
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem
the consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

It's been a while
since i could say that i wasn't addicted and
It's been a while
Since I could say I love myself as well and
It's been a while
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like i always do
It's been a while
But all that shit seems to disappear when i'm with you
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem
the consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again

Why must i feel this way?
just make this go away
just one more peaceful day

Its been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
and it's been awhile
since i said i'm sorry
It's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
It's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem
I know it's me i cannot blame this on my father
he did the best he could for me

It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
and it's been a while since i said i'm sorry

i have one extreme headache.

so yeah like the title says, i have a really bad headache. so i wont be on here for long. plus i only got like 5 hours sleep last night so that might add to it. okay my head hurts so im going to stop here.

love the soldier, hate the war.

sitting in digital art and design i decided to write something on here. mainly because i was bored and i needed something to do. so this is it. today has been a good day so far. im really enjoying digital art & design because it makes you think about colour.
whats your favourite colour you ask me? & i will literally punch you in the face. its not because i hate you. its because that is the worst question in the world.
nothing really has been happening lately, been pretty boring. mainly just going to college, going to work, seeing friends & killing people on the xbox. yep, thats all that happens in my life at the moment.
today gemma got a kiss & a hug off boner boy. i havent spoke about him before, but hes a kid in our college that gets a boner everytime he hugs a girl. oh dear me.
im really missing talking to someone at the moment. & i shouldnt because he was really not very nice to me a couple of months back but.. i miss it. i miss him. & i miss our stupid conversations. someone i know has said he is only playing mind games with me, which i know is probably true. but i dont mind. ive leant not to let that stuff get to me anymore. otherwise i would have probably killed myself by now.
OMG i go to alton towers next wednesday & i am actually so excited. :D:D:D
WOOOO.

life, love & lies.

the past few days havent been my best, and i dont really know what has been going on with myself. but hopefully i will snap out of this mood soon. im sure i will. well, i have snapped out of it but you know what i mean. just been a funny few days where i have made arguments with people and said some things i didnt mean.
but oh my gosh, im going to alton towers soon, eee im excited :D

you had time to waste. i had time to kill.

i have now discovered that i cannot concentrate on writing this blog while i have music blaring into my earholes, so out the earphones come. ah thats better.
woke up today really really early, and yes i was wide awake. i really couldnt get to sleep no matter how hard i tried. so i just kinda listened to music that i hoped would try and send me to sleep. it didnt. so then i decided to watch a film. WHEYHEY that did the trick. until i nearly overslept to get to work for one. had a pretty weird day at work. it was boringly quiet. i thought i was actually going to fall asleep. it was shit. so yeah thats basically what ive done all day. i hope i have a better day at college tomorrow. otherwise i will kill myself. kidding.

sexbox.

i thought i was never going to make it out of bed today. i was actually so tired. and i swear that my bed is so much more comfy in the morning once ive slept in it than the night before. is that weird?
i had some really strange dreams while i was sleeping, and i seem to remember every single one of them. which again is strange. i was explain them because they are kinda silly and weird but nevermind.
today has been a good day at work, and it went pretty quickly. but today a girl called chloe left, it was a shame because she is absolutely lovely & has been a real help to me while i have been there. anyway life does go on.
so got home, played cod. died alot. and killed alot of people. but its been good anyhow.
love.

in digital art & design.

so im sitting here at this computer. bored. uninspired.

basket case.

i woke up today and decided i wanted to watch sweeney todd while eating breakfast. just what i need to watch, throats being slit. yummy. i actually thought it was a really good film. and would watch it again. so then i went to town with my mumma. and always i bought clothes. who doesnt?
today was just an average day for me. i really didnt think about much. nothing really entered my head. i was just kind of in a daze, which really isnt like me at all. maybe i was thinking, just thinking too much that i didnt really know what was going on.
i had the strangest dream last night & i can remember everything that happened which is strange because that normally never happens. there is only 2 dreams that i can vividly remember from being a child. i used to have this recurring dream when i was little where this man was looking for me. and i used to hide under the bed trying not to be hurd. then i remember seeing his feet. and im still trying not to make a sound. then he left. it was the weirdest thing. because it was the exact same dream over and over again. so yeah that is that. and im not going to explain the dream i had last night, its way too rude haha. its not because it was rude that made it weird, it was the people involved in it. like i would never expect for them to enter my head.
that was really my day summed up.
a little bit rubbish or what?

calm down, its not like youre dead.

you know that feeling where things just make you smile. like that tmobile dance advert for instance, that advert always seems to bring a smile to my face and gives me that funny feeling in my stomach. i find myself with a tear in my eye and a smile on my face at the same time. only if everyone could come together & treat everyone with a bit of respect.
so today i had a day off work (im normally working wednesday), so i was like YEAH. went to town with my friend gemma today. gosh i love that girl. she makes me laugh when im at my lowest. truly joined at the hip. i went to the opticians today because in february i broke my glasses beyond repair.. so anyway i realised that i hadnt been for an eye test since 2008 so yeah i was definitely due a check. & some new glasses for that matter. i also went to the doctors this morning which was just for something pretty minor. eczema to be frank. yeah i know dry skin, lovely. but that really was about it for the day.. didnt really do much else. oh apart from i did some art work, so i was pleased that i actually made the effort to get all my arty stuff out (because there is so much of it) the reason why i sometimes cant be bothered to get it out is cuz there is so much to pack away at the end of it all. suddenly cant think of anything to write. nuff said.

while watching sex and the city.

i finally finished the essay today & by lunch time it got handed in. oh i was actually really pleased. another weight off my shoulders. so today was a pretty chilly one. and just one of those average days where nothing goes amazingly right, or wrong. today we had so fill in some form for college today, asking whether we wanted to go into the second year and if we wanted to carry on into university. & this got me thinking about what i wanted to do with my life. of course i said yes to carrying on into the second year, because who wouldnt.. how silly would that be when they are going to read these things. & then i said no, i didnt want to go to university. because i had other career options in mind. i really didnt like highschool even though i got pretty decent grades, had lots of friends and got on well with teachers.. i just didnt like the environment & the pressure that was put on us. not to say college doesnt put pressure, but after all they are only trying to help. but its a different kind of environment. you are treated more like adults obviously, but its just different. so after highschool i just wanted to take this time to relax and think about what i really wanted to do with my life. and then next year start really working hard to get where i want to be. and you may laugh. but my goal is to be in the raf. something ive always thought about doing. and im really going to push myself to do it. some people may think im silly and some people say 'oh but you will change your mind'. my mind hasnt changed in years now. so why suddenly now? exactly. yes i have a job and college and great friends. but its what i want to do. so there is nothing that will hold me back. haha i dont even have the boyfriend trouble, so that makes it easier.
so, i dont think we have a government yet. does this mean we can run the country ourselfs.. haha to be honest i think we would do a much better job.
peace.

just a quickie.

so im in the middle of writing an essay for college. i havent written one for about a year, which was when i was doing my gcse's. i hate them with a passion. i dont really see the point in writing an essay about art. GAH. and the worst thing is.. this essay is only 500 words, not like them 7000 uni ones. i think i would actually die if i had to do one of those :/ i wish writing an essay was as easy as writing a blog. even though i havent done one for a while. BAD. so whats been happening while i havent been here? gordon brown stands down. i dont know whether to be pleased or what.. i dont really care in all fairness. what else? oh yeah im going to alton towers in a couple of weeks. AHHHHHH :D ive been like 3 times before, and yet i still cant wait to get on those rides and poop myself. i just hope noone throws up. that would be dirty. and a complete mess. im just not looking forward to the 3 hour car journey. ipod will definitely needed :) anything else? oh yeah.. why are men so god damn confusing? would someone please answer that question for me because it is playing on my mind. i wont go into detail about what happened but a while back someone wasnt very nice to me, then thinks its acceptable to send me a message over facebook like nothing happened. how? why? i really should be writing this bleeding essay. i think i might watch a film. after the essay of course.
someone today got me thinking about karma, which i havent really thought about in great depth before.. but it really has got me thinking. what goes around comes around right? yeah i suppose so, be nice and people will be nice to you. oh i dont know. what about 'does everything happen for a reason?' i think so.. now that i believe. we dont just walk around doing random things. they do happen for a reason. why we meet different people and do different things..
BORED.
done.

gahh.

i havent blogged for a while now.. really getting out of the habit which is bad! :(